Three Years Later

So I have decided even though it has been a little over three years since I posted on this page that I would continue to write on here periodically for all my friends who would like a look at what's going on in our life after walking into parenthood.

Parenthood has been amazing yet at the same time very trying. I have grown so much spiritually as well as physically. It's been hard on me as I try to juggle the woman I am becoming. At the same time letting go of who I once was.

I have to say children definatly define and refine your destiny. The woman I once thought I was going to be has changed so much as I reexamine my life through my child's eyes. I wish that I could go back to my old self and say, Corey just let God lead you. Then try your best to educate yourself in between the ride of your life.

Parents, You will not always have all the answers. You will most likely just stumble through most of this parenting stuff blindly. Occasionally you will find good friends that will guide you. However advice and choosing to accept the advice are two totally different things.. Tee hee.. Now don't get me wrong here. Just that everyone will have advice and it's ok if you don't meet their expectations.. That was a big deal for me. What will people think if I feed my child desert before dinner..

I remember some friends and I went out to eat at Jason's Deli. Eli was tired and was on the verge of melting down. To top everything off Dan was at work. If you know anything about trying to get a tired infant through a buffet line alone it' plumb near impossible to look like you have it all together. Eli was squirming and crying. I am juggling a tray. Finally I figure out that the high chair had wheels so I could push him along on the tile floor. Jackpot!!

After a few minutes of trying to look graceful in front of my friends I manage to get Eli to the table. Of course Eli had spotted the ice cream machine and was fit to be tied. I want ICE SCRREEEEAAAM!! So here I am A. do I take Eli to the bathroom and try to attempt to iron him out? B. or mix ice cream in with fruit? I said, I am going to do something bad I am sure to my friend. I am going to feed my child desert before dinner. She said, I won't judge you.. Seriously I felt a huge relief. I practically jumped for joy!!! What a friend! I gave Eli a small bowl of ice cream with fruit. After he wolfed that down he ate half my salad plate!

Sometimes peoples expectations can own us.. Make us feel like bad parents if we step out of their expectation with our child rearing. It's this little voice in our heads that make us push our children to be the very best, perfect, normal children. However we are humans. We are all different and do things differently. So give your friends grace. Tell them they are doing a great job. You never know how healing that can be to a already struggling parent.

Expectations is such a huge word.. Holy cow!! I never understood the magnitude of the word. Expectations.. You know we tend to impose those words on other people rather than ever use them on ourselves.. However when raising a children that word floats around quiet often. What are my expectations for the day. I want to wash the clothes, work on my laptop, get the shopping done.. The basic simple things. However when we have children we have to bend those expectations every other minute.

My child needs a nap so I don't get to make the roast duck for dinner.. My child has projectile vomiting so I can't watch the Star Trek Voyager! (Don't judge me, I like that show) I would get in such a pinch because I had to put myself on the back burner more times that not.

I never realized how much of an independent person I had become. I mean I was 30 years old when I had Eli. So maybe just a pinch of independence. However the more you can let go of your expectations the greater parent you will become.